Use the Right Tool
The Problem Isn’t You — It’s the Tool You’re Using
Anyone who works with their hands will tell you this: the right tool makes the job easier, cleaner, and more successful. The wrong tool leads to inefficiency, frustration, and eventually damage. You wouldn’t hammer with a wrench or cut a tree with a pocketknife. We instinctively get that when it comes to construction.
But when it comes to people, communication, and leadership, we forget we have more than one tool in the box. We keep using the same approach, even when it clearly isn’t working. That’s where most breakdowns start—not with intent, but with using the wrong tool for the job. The right tool for the job
We All Have a Toolbox
The first time I took the Birkman Method, I realized how much of my communication came from habit, not strategy. The assessment revealed the tools I naturally reach for—my “usual behaviors”—and the ones I didn’t even realize I could use. Later, when I became a certified consultant, I started helping others do the same. The right tool for the job
Most people rely on the same behavior over and over because it works for them in many situations. But when a strength is overapplied, it stops being a strength. It becomes the wrong tool.
A Real Example
I recently coached a client who described herself as candid and logical. She took pride in speaking directly and efficiently. Her employee, however, described her as cold and hard to read and was ready to quit because she couldn’t connect with her. The right tool for the job
When I asked my client if she had ever been praised for being candid and logical, she said yes—that approach had gotten her results. When I asked if anyone had ever described her as cold or terse, she laughed and admitted her mother had accused her of having “resting bitchface.” In that moment, she realized her best tool wasn’t the best choice for that specific relationship. The right tool for the job
We explored how a warmer, more expressive communication style might change the interaction. I encouraged her to enlist a trusted coworker as a “mirror” to give feedback on tone and body language. The moment she showed vulnerability and invited perspective, the dynamic changed. She didn’t become a different person—she just reached for a different tool. The right tool for the job
Strengths Have a Shadow Side
I’ve lived this myself. I’ve been praised for being decisive, direct, and willing to take charge. Those qualities have earned me leadership roles and opportunities. They’re part of my natural toolbox. But the same strengths have also been interpreted as domineering, dismissive, or aggressive. Not because that’s what I intended—but because not everyone responds well to the same tool. The right tool for the job
The Birkman highlights both the effective and ineffective versions of our behavior. It’s not about fixing who you are—it’s about recognizing that every strength casts a shadow when used at the wrong time or with the wrong audience.
Know Your Tools—and When to Switch
Everyone you work with has different perceptions, needs, and tolerances. What feels like clarity to one person feels like criticism to another. What sounds confident to you might land as controlling to someone else.
Being effective doesn’t mean abandoning your strengths. It means learning to use them selectively—and recognizing when another tool will get you further, faster, and with less friction.
Whether you’re leading a team, navigating conflict, or trying to retain top performers, the lesson is the same: success isn’t about using your favorite tool. It’s about knowing which tool the moment calls for.
When you understand your own wiring—and the wiring of the people around you—you stop pounding every problem with the same hammer. You start leading with intention instead of assumption.
And that’s when the work actually gets done.
